:)

To laugh...to dance and sing. To let go of the ties that bind. To believe...

Beauty in the moment, love in the air, happiness at constant intervals.

I think of you...

Burdens wash away and life is good.

TERROR

What? Inconsistent turmoil that plagues my waking eyes...too soon, too consumed with the unyielding fear, a binding; a curse.

Why am I so terrified of happiness? Why am I so scared to allow life to happen? Why do I so persistently cling to the need to find all possible endings to given situations and try and determine which path would cause the least amount of heartache...

I'm so tired.
Please "god..." keep my feet from running, keep my spirit light, free my insecurities and fears.

Damn it!! Why does life have to constitute so much fucking terror? I talk of freedom yet am shackled with chains of uncertainty...


Grumble grumble....pointless mindless chatter of a scared little girl. Scared of my humanness.

LOVE IN THE MOMENT

If I could frame this moment in time I would label it love.

Love of life, of reality...love of all that is. Not all that may be, for that does not yet exist...

But love. Life. Time. Moment...

The being inspires the becoming, the becoming in essence, the being.

This moment. So beautiful... A moment- A MOMENT... For life is made up of many moments that string along to form memories and set the path for future.

Yet future does not yet exist... It only resides in my dreams until the time it becomes moment.

Now...now a new moment. Yet another moment labeled love.

Riot

Inconsistency.... the strangling feeling of losing a battle never fought.

These incomprehensible ebbs and flows, these fracturing modes of nihilism, what are these raging seas within?

They are emotions, they are vibrations, they are that which makes me me...

YOU AMAZE ME...

Passion, fire, love; eyes closing slowly as thoughts of you pervade my mind and body...

Remembrance of your touch, your kiss; remembrance of you...

I close my eyes and relive each precious kiss and smile with an overwhelming sense of joy. You have no idea how you have affected me... Perhaps you do; do you see it in my eyes when I look into yours, or do you feel when I touch you and clinch ever so lightly at random moments as if I am trying to speak through my hands cause I cant seem to form the words?

Sitting here thinking about you I feel dizzy with the physical recapitulation that makes me weak in the knees. You amaze me...

Your smell lingers on with me into the night bringing blushing cheeks and drunken smiles... consumed with a love so new. A passion for you...

I now know how Alice must have felt falling down that hole, that unending channel to another world of amazing wonder, the world I share when I am with you... I often think its not possible for me to fall any further until I again am with you. It seems that I constantly reach new depths with every moment we share.

I love waking up next to you, sleeping in your arms, feeling the intensity of your embrace...I treasure you... I admire you... I...

OF OLD AND NEW LAW-TABLES...ZARATHUSTRA

"There is an old delusion that is called good and evil. Up to now, this delusion has orbited about prophets and astrologers.
Once people believed in prophets and astrologers: and therefore believed: 'Everything is fate: you shall, for you must!'
Then again people mistrusted all prophets and astrologers: and therefore people believed: 'Everything is freedom: you can, for you will!'
O my brothers, up to now there has been only supposition, not knowledge, concerning the stars and the future: and therefore there has hitherto been only supposition, not knowledge, concerning good and evil!"
-Thus Spoke Zarathustra: Of Old and New Law-tables 9

The above excerpt has been my state of questioning in recent thoughts. Predominately the validity in the concepts of 'good and evil'....or fate and destiny; and to the reality of the equation- truth and will. Belief, if you will, that correlates the fragments altogether; forming a sort of 'truth' unshakable to those who's eyes are closed, and comfort to those who seek security in a cookie cut solution.

Is there not more? Aren't these 'concepts' merely that; concepts? Waste passed down hidden under doctrines that produce entrapment? A sort of authoritarian enslaving to keep ones soul at bay? To keep one from asking too many questions that could inherently spark change- a becoming? A becoming of one much stronger than man's dogma of control, of order; but a movement and a right to knowledge. A search for the real. For change. To be burnt in pursuit of higher grounds. Is that not the point of rebellion in the onset?

I have heard people say that ignorance is bliss... I have heard people say that knowledge is evil... I have also heard those same people express more fear and terror of living life than of anyone else I know. Ignorance is not bliss, it is just ignorance. As far as knowledge being evil...according to who? Who determines what is evil? What is good? Why is it that I am "supposed" to adhere to what is considered evil and good? Control-order-conformity. No, not for me-not today.

I choose to go with my own reason, my own logic...I don't believe what you say because you said it, tell me why you said it. If it bears in agreement within, I will honour it. Otherwise it's merely your perception, your opinion. I have learned that I am an ever-changing individual who's structures and beliefs so rapidly change that I quit trying to keep up. I now just, roll with it. I bask in the vastness being opened up to me, as I choose to search it out.

To me...ignorance, if settled for, is the evil (for lack of a better word). How canst one grow with closed eyes and a comfortable state of numbness? Whats the point? There is more...

"Willing liberates: for willing is creating: thus I teach. And you should learn only for creating."

There are those who settle in life, there are those who avoid life, and there are those who seek to truly live life. There are perplexed combinations of all walks, varying opinions, emotions, beliefs, and perspectives; there are leaders and followers, questioners and solvers; there are those who are simply apathetic and spineless- I have been all of these.

So now a new approach. Push the limits, question everything- for the sake of logic- grow in the direction I am taken, learn to fly.

Allow jumbled thoughts to be random outlets, as written here....

BREATHE

Static....static....

My mind cluttered and full, brimming over with perplexity, breathe..

Problem, there is an equation at hand. There is a solution. There always is. Breathe...

Spinning and overflowing, "insecurity", fear, riddled with it all, riddled with life.

Sometimes it is too much, I wish I could retreat into the woods, into solitude.

I love. Breathe...

Sigh, in deep...out slow...breathe...

Sleep, the solution. Let go, the choice. Broken connections and cords tattered and torn into a thousand and one pieces.

Life. Breathe...

Just be. Just Breathe...breathe in and be still.